I write you today with a heavy heart for I have to discuss Bad Pie. Now you and I both know that in an ideal world there would be no Bad Pie (world peace, an end to poverty, fine, but seriously — can you imagine a world with only Good Pie? It sends chills down my spine). But this is no ideal world and there are people out there putting themselves in Positions of Power as Pie Distributors who are letting you all down.

You see, there’s a new Pie Bakery (this is the actual name of the shop) in town that my family tried out last night. When I got to the shop to buy a few pieces to take to dinner with me, my options were key lime pie (fine) and three choices of cream pie. That’s all. Cream pie is…well, it’s OK if there are other options as well, but honestly, I’m wary of a pie shop that seems to only be offering slices of cream pie. What are they trying to hide under all of that custard and whipped cream? (I am obligated to mention that this bakery did make their own whipped cream. At least some things are sacred.) I’ll tell you what they were hiding: their crust.

Good pie crust is delicate and flaky, it almost dissolves in your mouth. Good Crust is difficult to work with. Apparently these pastry chefs couldn’t be bothered and added BAKING POWDER to their dough to give it the appearance of flakiness, but really, it just ended up tasting like a stale cracker. Whywhywhywhywhy would they do that?! Remember, people, a stale cracker won’t form that luxurious layer of slightly under-done filling-flavored goo that you’re supposed to scrape off in Step 5 of your pie eating.

I do have to say there is one high point with this new bakery: the “History of Pie” blurb on the back of their takeout menu. And I quote:

“Pie has been around since the ancient Egyptians. The first pies were made by early Romans who may have learned about it through the Greeks. .”

Yes, there really is two-thirds of an ellipses on the printed document. I appreciate the proprietors covering their butts with the ancient civilizations, but why stop with the Egyptians, Romans and Greeks? How about the Akkadians or Babylonians? We could also — gasp! — venture onto other continental land masses! I wonder if any Ancient South American civilizations had pie. Better mention them too, just to be sure.

Tacos are probably as good a way as any to christen a new blog. As far as I’m concerned, they are the hold-all of modern dining. You can build a taco out of just about anything (pitas, naan, flour tortillas – hell, I’ve even seen it done with pizza), and, as I recently discovered, fill it with just about anything too. A few weeks ago, I found myself standing aimlessly in the supermarket freezer aisle (again), wondering what on earth to make for dinner. I then came to my senses, and decided to start at the logical place (for we carnivores anyway) – the meat counter. A cranberry & orange and garlic & herb pork sausage later, and I was on my way to this weird and wonderful dish.

Something you should know about me – I put Brussels sprouts in everything. I’ll try to tone it down in the interest of popular consumption, but it’s fitting that they’ve made it into my first post. If you are not yet a Brussels believer, let me stress that it is so important to cook them in butter and to make slits in the bottom of the sprout so they can get appropritately tender when steaming in just a tiny layer of water. Anyway, I personally had never heard of a pork sausage taco… maybe carnitas at Anna’s, but even for me, this dish was a little off-kilter. But one of the more savory and wonderful experiments I’d tried in a while. Give it a whirl in your own kitchen!

Thanks again, ES for suggesting this collaboration on food. You can henceforth find me up here as the Red Snapper.